i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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