I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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