Porn is love you can see.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
