Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
