not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
