My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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