dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just saw a hot homeless man
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
