I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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