Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
