whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
