i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She even gives head with a lisp.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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