I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
