Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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