Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
