Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
