Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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