these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize