i would punch a child for taco bell
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
