dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
