careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I understand Curling. That high.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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