it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
