New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize