I looked at my own cervix.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
