I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
