Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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