I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
