i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
