When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
