I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
