The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
