Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
