Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
