$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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