she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
