Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.