Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Randomize
