That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
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She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
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Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.