Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Dating After Heartbreak
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.