You're so nebulous sometimes
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
