No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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