Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
