These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
