I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
