Acid is not a monday night drug
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
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