It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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