Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
