the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
