i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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