I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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