Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
But theres a keg here and me gusta
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
