Only a mothe r could love this liver
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
