I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
