I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
