Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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