Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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