i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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