oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
