you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
