He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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