I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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