I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
