I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
