i was born a porn star she said
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
