Small penises have feelings too.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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