I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
