I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
